Michael Bay diarrhea
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
