Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
