Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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