I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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