Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
