dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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