just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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