Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
