HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
