Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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