I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
