I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize