Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
