I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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