she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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