"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
