It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
