Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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