Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
