you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
