new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
