so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
