I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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