i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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