no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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