Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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