he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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