Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
