well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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