idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
