Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
