Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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