Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize