this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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