just survived the first fart of the relationship.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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