At least make sure they are 18
Why
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
