Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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