And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
