i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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