Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
