So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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