so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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