I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
