i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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