she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
