capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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