Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
3 2 1 whiskey
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
