My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Who did Billy Mays play for?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
