He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
