So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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