I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
