I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
