I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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