so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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