fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize