The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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