sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
