my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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