Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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