TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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