we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i love accidental penises.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
