now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
