smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
