upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize