i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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