my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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