Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
now i know why i became what i already was.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
