I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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