you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
