These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
