Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i've created a new STD.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
