Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize