she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
