look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
