Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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