tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I want to be your penis for a week.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
