Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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