Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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