I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
