She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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