Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
