so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize