peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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