My room smells like vodka and shame
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
