I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
