I am spending my child support on dildos
only if we run a train.
done.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
