Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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