Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
