she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize