The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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