I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
