oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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