I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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