Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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