boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
