i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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