so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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