Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize