Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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