I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
