why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
