It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
