grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
