she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
