Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
