my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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