dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize