I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
